The Lovers Card: Choices we
make
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| Niki Saint Phalle Tarot |
Two people come together and proclaim their love. They are
“in love!” Whoop, whoopty do!
This Tarot card is about the relationship of one to another:
“I can’t stop thinking about you.” “I can’t live without you!” “Love me Tender.” (Oh, those words from melodramatic love songs.) Sound familiar? This card is not about a “one
night stand” but something much, much more.
Here’s what the
artist Niki Saint Phalle said about the Lovers card:
“The card implies there is a wrong and
right choice.
A mistake can bring one closer to the
truth about ourselves.”
(She was
referring to the downfall of Adam and Eve.)
Niki
de Saint Phalle and the Tarot Garden, (Bintelli Verlag, 2010)
Metaphorically, the first biblical story tells us right away
about making the right or wrong choice: Eve saw the truth of the situation with
the evil serpent who told her to eat the fruit; she knew it was evil, but she
did it anyway! She ate the forbidden fruit from the Tree of knowledge of Good and Evil. A bad choice, and Adam chose to
go along with it; another bad choice. (Of course
there’s a whole lot more meaning to that encounter, but not here now.)
Sometimes we don’t realize the immeasurable importance and
significance of the choices we make, yet we always have a choice. Some of us
just stumble into things, but there is always a right choice to be made and
some choices are huge and everlasting. The right or wrong choice can affect us
the rest of our lives: Should I date that person? Shall I go to college? Should
I get a different job? Should I marry so and so and have children and settle
down? Should I drink cocktails, take drugs? Go into the military? Save money?
Should I move to a new location? Buy a house?
For a while, the situation might be a “maybe” but, eventually,
it’s always yes or no, and then we plunge ahead when a choice is made, for
better or worse. It seems so simple and obvious because love happens all the
time but, as familiarity deepens in a long-term relationship, how are the
problems that come up dealt with, like differences of opinion; opposite likes
and dislikes? These are situations to be aware of at the beginning of romance,
especially when making that ultimate choice: marriage. Trying to change the
other person to fit your belief system is not a simple task and usually doesn’t
work and difficulties arise. Thousands of novels have been written and hundreds
of movies have been made, on everything imaginable about love and the lovers.
It’s always about how they are getting along: the ecstasy, the commitment, or
broken hearts. And we want to know what the hidden secrets are; the
contradictions and tensions of their relationships.
In the classic romantic comedy, “Moonstruck,” Ronny (Nicolas
Cage) says to Loretta (Cher):
“Love don’t
make things nice. It breaks your heart…We are here to ruin ourselves and break
our hearts and love the wrong people and die.” And then, Rose, (Olympia Dukakis)
asks Johnny (Danny Aiello) “What makes men chase women?” He says, among others
things, “fear of death.” She says, “That’s it!” (Screenwriter, John P Shanley)
In choosing a partner, mate, faithful companion, or lover, it’s
no longer just one person going it alone. Now that one person must deal with
someone else and all their “baggage.” This can be a positive experience of a
merger into a state of oneness and togetherness in everything or, on the other
hand, it can be a divisive mess in the power struggle to understand each other.
What does it take to bring joy and delight to one another? What makes it
possible for two people to function in a state of oneness? It takes a well
thought out agreement and lots of compromises to share power and find a
balance. When you want to love, honor, and protect one another, it can be a romantic,
beautiful affair, full of blessings, or an angry disaster. What will it be? Your
attitude toward togetherness, and feelings about how you should treat each
other is part of the choices you make.
“…what we can do is to choose our own
self-concepts, emotions, thought processes and behavior. And the more choices
we have in each situation, the more we can influence what is happening.”
Choice Centered Relating and the Tarot, (Gail Fairfield, Samuel Weiser, 2000)
If you watched the TV series “Downton Abbey,” there were 4
weddings and one more that wasn’t, when Edith (played by Laura Carmichael) was
jilted at the altar. “I can’t do it” He said, and rushed out of the church
where the chauffeurs piled on their hats and drove him away. She chose Sir Anthony
Strallan (played by Robert Bathurst) hoping to marry him, but he chose to run
away. When Matthew chose to marry Lady Mary (Michele Dockery) she (who was
always in control) asked Matthew (Dan Stevens) to get down on his “knees and
everything” to make a proper proposal of marriage, but she didn’t hesitate and chose
to say “yes!” And then, for Mrs. Hughes, (Phyllis Logan) her choice was to say
to Carson (Jim Carter) “of course I’ll marry you; you old booby.” (The story of romantic
love, and love lost for TV was by author Julian Fellowes.) Most people
love a good mushy love story.
What about the long list of love affairs in literature of
the past? Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, Solomon and Sheba, and the
Hollywood affairs of its famous stars: Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton; Katherine
Hepburn and Spencer Tracy? In contemporary times, we are bombarded by the media
with stories about what is happening with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie; Jay-Z
and Beyonce; George Clooney and Amal, and the choices they made.
When The Lovers
card comes up in a reading it’s time to think seriously about what loving another
person means to you. What are your expectations? What are your
responsibilities? What do you care most about? Are you willing to share
everything? Are you dependable, generous, and most of all, fun? For the future,
ask yourself what you think will be, or has been, the outcome of giving your “heart”
to someone?
